Will We Ever Hug Again?
One of the greatest stress factors of COVID-19 quarantine is the absence of touch. The handshake, the arm across the shoulder, the companionable hug, the eye-to-contact is a natural and necessary part of human behaviour. Our Christian faith is founded on relationship and an integral part of relationship strength is principled contact. The current crisis has deprived us of that possibility. Surprisingly, this seems to be creating greater anxiety in people than the fear of personally contracting the Coronavirus, instability in the money markets, or even the loss of livelihood.
It may be sometime before we are free of the ‘physical/social distancing’ restrictions and, even if the restrictions are removed, it will take some adjustment to overcome the stigma of the virus and the defensive behaviour it has initiated.
So, in the interim what do we do to maintain some sort of balance?
1. Let’s not assume the worst. It was Mark Twain who said, “Most of the tragedies in my life never occurred.” We are prone to create hypothetical scenarios and some of us lean towards pessimism when we do. The truth will likely fall somewhere between the ‘best we hope for and the worst we fear.’ It is no use trying to cross the river before the bridge is built. It really boils down to heeding the counsel of Jesus, “Live today!” The world has ended at least 10 times in my lifetime, and I missed everyone of them. Today, each of us will be afforded opportunities to encourage others. Swiss Psychiatrist Carl Jung stated that one of the best antidotes to personal depression is lending kindness to others. As one who is genetically predisposed to depression, easing the load of others is how I have learned to keep the ‘black wolf’ at bay in my own life.
2. Let’s add a personal touch. There is something terrifically intimate about ‘homemade.’ I have repeatedly heard stories of people giving ‘homemade’ masks as gifts to others. One of our own, a ninety-two year old lady has completed 100 masks to give to the “Shepherd’s Care” workers. There is something that says ‘love’ in delivering a small homemade gift to friends or neighbours.
3. Let’s meet together within the regulated guidelines. Instead of complaining about what we still have not recovered, let’s be thankful for the latitude we have been given. Sitting six feet away from another person in a backyard beats ‘Zoom’ hands down. Get some Tim’s coffee and enjoy the summer evenings with a friend or neighbour. People are starving for conversation that is not digital. It’s cheap and priceless at the same time.
4. Let’s practice deliberately ‘presencing’ ourselves in the words and intonations of our conversations. It’s a bit like learning a new language. We have to work at it. However, it is entirely possible to communicate tangible care in the words we use and the way we speak them, even digitally. The tone and timbre of our voice, the honest expression of emotion, the willingness to listen without the need to give counsel, the words that ‘build and bolster,’ all add intimate value to our Phone, Zoom and Email interactions.
Having stated all the above, you had best run the first time you see me after restrictions have been rescinded if you don’t like hugs, because there is one on the way. I have a lot of them stockpiled.
Al is an experienced pastor and counselor who works out of our ABNWT District Resource Centre in Edmonton as the Pastoral Care Coordinator. A pastor to the pastors, Al is a friend, mentor, and confidante to all.