Managing Conflict
Show me a church that has no conflict, and I’ll show you a church that has a few brooms and dirt under their carpets.
In his book, The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, Patrick Lencioni examines why effective teams (and churches) are so rare. Two dysfunctions Lencioni identifies are the absence of trust and a fear of conflict.
Churches that lack trust conceal weaknesses, mistakes, and conflict. A lack of trust leads to the fear of conflict. In these churches, leaders worry more about personal risk management than solving problems.
Conflict is inevitable in any community, and churches are no exception. As spiritual leaders, pastors and church leaders are called to guide their congregations through disagreements and tensions.
However, managing conflict well can lead to growth, unity, and a deeper sense of community. Engaging in conflict is not easy, but it’s good.
Acknowledge the Neutrality and Reality of Conflict
First, it’s important to recognize that conflict is not inherently negative. While it can be uncomfortable, conflict presents an opportunity for growth. Someone in conflict with you can be disguised as your best friend. If you embrace it, conflict can teach you a lot about yourself and the issues in your congregation.
Ignoring or avoiding conflict can lead to resentment, division, and long-term harm to the community. When church leaders lead by example, they show that conflict can be resolved in a Christ-like manner, promoting peace and respect.
Pray and Seek God’s Guidance
As leaders, our first response to conflict is prayer. Elbows up may work for hockey players and responding to tariffs, but prayers up works for pastors.
Prayer is not a trite response. It is a tried response that centres your heart on God's will and provides the grace to navigate difficult conversations. It reminds you that God’s heart is for reconciliation.
Before addressing conflict, pray personally and for the individual(s) involved, asking for God’s wisdom, patience, and peace to guide the process.
Listen Actively and Empathetically
“When people pay tithes to a church, they should be given the right to have the service go according to their needs.”
How would you respond to a member who comes to your office and says this to you? (A statement made to a PAOC pastor.)
Our mothers reminded us that we have two ears and one mouth, so we listen twice as much or more than we talk. Conflicts can arise because people feel unheard or misunderstood. As a leader, you can create space for people to express concerns without fear of judgment.
The worst exercise is jumping to conclusions. Instead, work to understand the root cause of the conflict.
Focus on Biblical Principles of Reconciliation
Jesus outlines a process for resolving disputes within the church, starting with a private conversation and escalating if necessary (Matthew 18:15-17).
The Apostle's epistles followed a theme: peace is not always possible, but do everything you can to protect it.
Romans 12:18 - “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Ephesians 4:3 - “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.
Delegated Authority in Conflict Management
A Board or a Pastor’s Council is the delegated authority of the congregation. A primary role of delegated authority is to protect the health and peace of the church. The responsibility to protect is carried out in many ways, one of which is to meet with individuals or group(s) of people in conflict with the church's operations.
The Board or Council, without the Lead Pastor, meets with individuals or groups to hear the issue, clarify the Board's steps in addressing it, and reach an agreed-upon resolution.
It is part of the Board’s role to appeal, for the church's health, that the individual or group communicate solely with the Board and not others in the congregation and receive the group’s agreement to act accordingly. The appeal may be rejected, but taking the high road is a good place to start. The rejection of this request leads to a different level of engagement, calling for disciplinary action.
Encourage Forgiveness and Healing
Ultimately, the goal of conflict resolution in a congregation is restoration. Encourage those involved to forgive one another, as Christ has forgiven us (Ephesians 4:32). Remind them that holding onto bitterness or grudges damages the body of Christ.
Forgiveness leads to freedom, healing, and the restoration of relationships; through this process, a congregation can become stronger and more united.
Going Forward
Conflict is a natural part of community life, but how we handle it determines its impact.
Pastors are human. You work with people who are imperfect followers of Jesus. Not every conflict gets resolved amicably. As it depends on you, be a peacemaker, but not at any cost.
Ultimately, managing conflict well not only resolves immediate issues but strengthens the church body in the long term, ensuring that it remains a place of love, grace, and unity.
Bob Jones is the founder of REVwords.com, an author, blogger, and coach with 39 years of pastoral experience. Bob is also an Advance Coach with the ABNWT Resource Centre. You can connect with Bob here.