Let’s talk about Mental Health

Can I Be Real for a Minute?

In March 2020, I came dangerously close to taking my life.

It was right before COVID hit, and I had reached one of the lowest points in my life. For years, I had been carrying the weight of financial stress, personal overwhelm, and ongoing marital struggles. My mental health was already fragile, but when my wife, Heidi, was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, it was the log that broke the camel’s back. Her illness impacted every area of our lives, and with everything else already piling up, it brought me to the point of hopelessness.

All of this brought me shockingly close to the edge of suicide.

What made it even harder was that I thought I had done everything “right.” I was heavily involved in ministry, surrounded by good Christian friends, and followed everything I believed a Christ-follower should do. So why was I still struggling? How had I ended up here?

It led me to a journey of exploring my mental health as part of my journey of faith. Through therapy and counselling, I began to understand the roots of my struggles. The Holy Spirit used therapy to help me realize that I had negative beliefs that were contributing to unhealthy thoughts, emotions and behaviours. I had to get to the root of why I was so depressed, overwhelmed and hopeless.

What was the root cause?

At first, it seemed obvious: the financial stress, Heidi’s health, our marriage struggles—all of these were crushing us. But as I worked through therapy and prayed for clarity, I realized these were symptoms of something deeper.

I had based my identity on work and achievement.

For years, I believed that if I could work hard enough and succeed, I would be “enough.” This drive, rooted in insecurity, was pushing me to overwork, neglect my health, and even blame Heidi for the things in my life that weren’t going well. It wasn’t just about surviving; I desperately tried to prove something, even if I didn’t consciously realize it.

But here’s where it gets real: I recognized that much of my performance-driven identity mirrored how I viewed my faith. In the same way, I sought approval through work, I subconsciously believed I had to earn God’s love and acceptance. Even though I knew, intellectually, that salvation was through grace, my life reflected something else—a constant striving, a fear that I wasn’t doing enough to please God. My salvation was on the line if I didn’t “do enough”!

This realization was a turning point for me. Therapy helped me to start identifying and challenging these unhealthy beliefs. But it didn’t stop there. I began asking the Holy Spirit to show me areas where I had allowed these lies to take root. Through scripture, reflection, and intentional times with God, He began to gently but firmly reveal where I was out of alignment with the truth of whom He says I am.

I had to face that I wasn’t living in the fullness of God’s grace and ultimate transformation.

For years, I had prevented His transformation in my life. I saw myself as a worker, a doer, constantly striving for success, both in life and faith. The problem was, I didn’t allow myself to just be—to be a son of God, loved and valued simply because of who He made me to be, not because of what I did.

“but be transformed and progressively changed [as you mature spiritually] by the renewing of your mind” Romans 12:2 – AMP

This process of transformation is ongoing, and it’s not easy. It requires constant self-reflection and openness to where God calls me to change. I needed to identify where negative beliefs were driving unhealthy emotions and behaviours. Still, it’s been the partnership between the Holy Spirit and myself to transform those beliefs into ones that align with my true identity in Christ.

I couldn’t do it by myself.

Many of us try this transformation journey alone: it’s messy, it’s uncomfortable, and we’re worried about being judged. However, God made us live in a community, and we cannot do this alone. For me, I have had to welcome experts into my circumstances to provide wisdom, guidance, empathy and support.

Life is a Journey

Now, I’m far from perfect. There are still moments when I fall back into old patterns. But as I’ve started walking in the fullness of God’s grace, I’ve experienced a peace I hadn’t known before. I’m continuing to learn how to balance my work obligations, take care of myself, and prioritize my marriage in healthier ways. And most importantly, I’ve come to see that mental health care—whether through therapy, medication, or other means—is not separate from our faith journey. It’s part of it.

Call to Action: How are you pursuing transformation?

For anyone reading this—especially pastors and leaders—who might be struggling with mental health issues (anxiety, depression, overwhelming stress, etc), I want to say this: you don’t have to do this alone. There is no shame in seeking help.

Breaking the stigma around mental health in the Church starts with us. As leaders, we need to model vulnerability and prioritize our mental well-being for ourselves and the people we lead. Because when we’re healthy, we can help others heal, too.

Pursue transformation, get help and find a new level of wholeness!

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