People are re-gathering at your church. You expect some to be new guests who experienced your church online. The digital church is a level playing field where everyone equally belongs. Is that true of the culture of your physical site?
Belong, believe, become are three popular words that summarize a value system and a process of discipleship. Perhaps your church makes use of them in a slogan or value statement. The words and their order are important but not nearly as important as getting belonging right.
Belonging will make or break your church.
EACH OF US HAS A LONGING TO BELONG.
The church is God’s creation to “set the lonely in families” (Psalm 68:6), to give each of us a place to belong. Christian communities are the embodiment of God’s call to righteousness and justice. (Jeremiah 9:23–24)
Belonging is our primary human need. Beyond food and shelter, nothing promotes flourishing like having a place of belonging.
Brené Brown defines belonging as, “the innate human desire to be a part of something bigger than us. Because the yearning is so primal, we often try to acquire it by fitting in and seeking approval, which are not only hollow substitutes for belonging, but often barriers to it.” (Braving The Wilderness, 31-32)
BELONGING IS NOT JUST FITTING IN.
Belonging is being somewhere you want to be, and others want you there. Fitting in as being somewhere you want to be, but others don’t care one way or the other. Belonging is being accepted for you. Fitting in is being accepted by being like everyone else.
The desire to belong is so deep in people that they’ll show up at your church, attend fellowship functions, and possibly take out membership in a desire to belong. But in a culture that does not value belonging they will only fit in at best, which can be far worse than not being there at all.
Advocating for racial justice is about belonging, not just fitting in. Watch The Bible Project’s Justice video.
BELONGING IS A GODLY VALUE TO BE PROMOTED AND PROTECTED AT ALL COSTS.
A young black woman worked as a cashier at a Co-op in Calgary. One day she made a mistake in giving change to a customer and he said, “That’s OK. I didn’t think your kind could count anyways” Shocked, she went to her manager and reported the comment. The manager looked up the customer’s Co-op number, called him and let him know he was no longer welcome in the store. The young woman said that was the first time she felt she belonged. Today she serves as a pastor.
Pastor or a board member how far would you go in addressing the issue if a long-time member broke the community code of your church?
A congregation who loves their neighbour will find that, “belonging is in our heart and not a reward for perfecting, pleasing, proving, and pretending or something that others can hold hostage or take away.” (Braving The Wilderness, 35)
BELONGING IS THE FOUNDATION OF BELIEVING AND BECOMING.
Our churches can be communities of people in process, where the unconvinced, the skeptic, the used-to-believe, along with the sold-out, and the fully devoted can come together around the conviction that Jesus is the Saviour, the son of the living God.
Belonging is the starting point of becoming who we are meant to be - fully adopted and secure children of God (Ephesians 1:5). Once we are secure in community we can believe and become fully established and rooted in how God made us.
WHAT IS A SIMPLE FIRST STEP TO HELP OTHERS BELONG?
I think Brené Brown is onto something when she says, “not enough of us know how to sit in pain with others. Worse, our discomfort shows up in ways that can hurt people and reinforce their own isolation.
I have started to believe that crying with strangers in person could save the world.”
The layers of protection that have surrounded people like shells can fall away and true spiritual transformation can begin.
Have a conversation with people in your church about their experience of belonging. Talk with single moms, people of color, indigenous people, seekers, widows, the unemployed, or those on AISH.
We can return stronger and pave the way for a healthier future.
Bob Jones is the founder of REVwords.com, an author, blogger, and coach with 39 years of pastoral experience. Bob is also an Advance Coach with the ABNWT Resource Centre. You can connect with Bob here.