“When we can no longer change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
Viktor Frankl
Two huge issues have erupted since we took the calamitous turn into 2020. First, we had the blitzkrieg assault of COVID-19 with all its unprecedented spin-offs. Just as we had begun to accommodate ourselves to that reality, the racial issue hit the world media.
Both these events are deeply troubling. The most frustrating part of it is that I, in my small corner, cannot control the outcome of either.
I think the painful process of self-analysis began for me with the COVID-19 onslaught. From my place of isolation, I began an introspective journey. It started with an examination of my lifestyle in the light of the fragility and uncertainty of life. I realized that years ago I had stepped on a treadmill that was going a comfortable pace. But gradually over time, it increased speed until it was taking all my energy just to keep my equilibrium. Like withdrawal from a narcotic, I began ‘cold turkey’ to slow down, to breathe, to re-centre my scattered senses on God’s presence, nature’s beauty, and the inner song. It has been a season of deliberate self-discipline. Whatever balance remains on my life, I will spend differently. For that, I am grateful to COVID-19, even while mourning the heavy toll it has exacted from so many.
On the heels of that catharsis came another. It was initiated by the legitimate outcry over racial inequality. I have heard the stories all my life, especially from south of the 49th parallel. It comes, it goes. I have always prided myself in my impartiality. I have felt saddened when I have encountered situations where discrimination has been practiced. But it has not really troubled me as it should. The ‘George Floyd’ tragedy and all the subsequent furor has changed that for me. It has forced me deep into my own spirit, asking hard questions and demanding honest answers of myself. While I have never committed acts of aggression against any other race or colour, I had to know: were there seeds of a superior attitude lurking down deep in my psyche? Did I consider that I belonged to a race of privilege? It drove me to David’s Psalm 139 prayer, ‘Search me O God, and know my heart, try me and know my thoughts and see if there be any wicked way in me.’ It is no longer good enough to say the right words, I must think the right thoughts and have the right heart.
I will admit, this has been a taxing, self-analytical four months. The process has been painful. Hopefully, the product will be a more ‘Christlike’ me: as gold refined in fire.
During the 1988 financial crisis, a popular televangelist became quite wealthy counseling people to cash in their savings to buy gold. Scripture has a different take on that.
To the blind, self-satisfied, status quo Church at Laodecia Jesus spoke:
“I counsel you to buy from Me, gold refined in the fire, so that you can become rich; and white clothes to wear so you can cover your shameful nakedness, and salve to put on your eyes so you can see.”
These may sound like harsh words of condemnation but, in reality they are words of love and rescue and redemption.
I cannot change the situation around me but, by the grace of God, I can change myself.
Al is an experienced pastor and counselor who works out of our ABNWT District Resource Centre in Edmonton as the Pastoral Care Coordinator. A pastor to the pastors, Al is a friend, mentor, and confidante to all.