Adultery – Really?
Years ago, I sat under the ministry of a brilliant young pastor in a large city church. He was a wonderful leader, but was falling into a trap that many pastors spring on themselves. His responsibilities were piling up, the congregation was growing, and there was an active building plan in place. Add that to the endless list of ‘people’ needs, and the pressure escalated in his life. Late one afternoon, he was driving home, thinking about the stresses he was facing and the load he was carrying. He knew he had only one hour for a quick meal and then must be back for a strategic meeting with the deacon board. He related to me how God spoke to him clearly and bluntly in that moment of ‘self-importance and misplaced responsibility’. This is what He said, “Pastor, you look after your bride, and I will look after mine!” He was wise enough to listen to the divine advice. As a consequence, my friend has had a stellar life in ministry; his humble influence has been global. Forty-five years later, he has a strong, decades-old marriage. He and his wife are that sweet ‘greying’ couple walking the beach, holding hands. I call him brilliant because, as a young pastor, husband and father, he listened to the counsel of the Holy Spirit.
Once, when I was feeling the enormity of ministry, I was directed back to the inaugural address Jesus gave at the birth of the church. It is in Matthew 16:18. Jesus said, “I will build My Church.” In reading these words this time, the Holy Spirit directed me to the pronouns Jesus used. He did not say that I would build His Church or that He would build my church. He is the Builder. He is the owner. I had reversed the roles. While He was doing me a great favour by allowing me to participate in this kingdom venture, I thought I was doing Him a favour by building His Church. It was innocent arrogance, but arrogance, nonetheless.
Many years ago, in the Leadership Journal published by Christianity Today (I have been unable to find the source except in my memory), there was an article written by a pastor who admitted his adulterous affair with another man’s bride. He described how his own marriage slowly lost its intrigue and how his passion and energies were drained away and expended on his mistress. He explained both the frustration and the euphoria of this affair. It had become more intense with each passing month. The shock for the reader of the article came at the end when this pastor confessed that his adulterous affair was not with another woman in the church community. It was with the church herself, the Bride of Christ.
We are called to serve the Lord in leadership. The vehicle He has provided for us to fulfill that role is His Church. He has granted us the privilege of being workers together with Him to make His Bride beautiful. But she is His Bride, not ours. He has placed at our disposal the ‘keys of the kingdom’ to empower us to bring glory to His Name through the church (a whole separate study). But it is our privilege and not our right, one that comes without ownership.
I have lived long enough to see many leaders fall into this adulterous pattern. They are so engaged in their infatuation with the church that everything is falling apart in their marriage and home. In my own time in ministry, one of my regular prayers is simple. I pray, “Lord Jesus, this is Your Bride, this is Your Church. It is neither mine to own nor my responsibility to build. You know, I am sometimes tempted to act like the church is my bride, my responsibility, my lover, instead of Yours. Forgive me! I surrender whatever I have said or done to indicate anything different.”
Pastor Gerald Lee Fry (August 25, 1932- February 24, 2021) was a passionate follower of Christ, a pastor for many years with the Assemblies of God USA. In the early 1970s, he and his wife Peggy began to minister in a little church in San Jose, California. It grew quickly until, in the late 1970s, it reached 4000 members. His success brought him notoriety in his own denomination and beyond. Feeling weary and needing a break, he and his wife ventured on a month-long trip to Europe. They arrived home in San Jose to discover that, in their absence, the congregation had split into a number of warring factions and had imploded. Broken and sick in heart and spirit, Gerald went to the Lord and prayed: “I don’t understand, Lord. We had the best worship. We even hired musicians who were excellent. We had the best programs: something for everyone. We had the best of the best preachers gracing the pulpit. I thought it was the best church I had ever seen.” Gerald recounted that at that moment the Lord spoke to him and said, “Gerald, my son, you had the very best church that flesh could build.” It took great humility for this wonderful man to admit that he had it all wrong. He thought he was building Christ’s church when he was really only building his own.
As pastors, it is possible to allow idols into our lives, which will ultimately enslave us. They look so good, so honourable, so right. The church is one of them. When that happens, our entire sense of well-being revolves around our achievements. We lose sight of the fact that we are called to serve God, and God alone. The church is the forum provided to make that service practical and possible. We must never forget that, from the Day of Pentecost onward, JESUS added daily to His Church, such as were being saved.
We are stewards of the Gospel, and the primary tool for the dissemination of the Gospel is Christ’s dynamic and beautiful Bride. As we carry out our commission, we must remember that we are stewards, not owners. There is only one Master Builder. Let’s keep that straight. Jesus is our one true love. We worship Him only.
To all my colleagues, male and female, I challenge you to serve the Lord with gladness, honour His Church, but don’t pretend ownership. She belongs to no one but the Christ who died to redeem her.
As we do our part, let’s remember with anticipation that we will all eventually get to join a grand reception at the Great Marriage Supper of the Lamb when this union is fully consummated.
Al is an experienced pastor and counselor who works out of our ABNWT District Resource Centre in Edmonton as the Pastoral Care Coordinator. A pastor to the pastors, Al is a friend, mentor, and confidante to all.