I will never forget the frantic phone call I received. The caller was so distraught I was unable to decipher who he was or why he was calling. Eventually, I determined it to be a pastor who was ‘coming apart at the seams’ emotionally. He desperately wanted to see me. One year prior, he had sat in a seminar where I had shared my journey through despair and depression: a pathway that almost claimed my life. Now, as he frantically spoke on the phone, I recalled how, during my presentation, his body language had indicated his disdain for the story I was sharing. A few hours after the phone conversation he sat in my office. His first words were these, “Al, please forgive me, please forgive me. I sat in your seminar and mocked your story and said in my heart, ‘this could never happen to me!’ Now, look at me – broken beyond repair.”

“This could never happen to me!” – dangerous words for any leader to declare. Paul cautions us: “So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall.” (1 Corinthians 10:12). The only safeguard against such a thing happening to any one of us is deliberate, disciplined self-care.

The degree of your effectiveness in congregational care will be determined by your ability and your determination to care for yourself during times of high stress. To care for others, within the context of this present chaotic and confusing environment, demands a great deal of physical and emotional capital. The consistent and continuous responsibility for leaders to care for people requires strength, wisdom, and fortitude. Quite frankly, a leader cannot give what he/she does not have.

In years past, the idea of self-care evoked ideas of selfish pursuit, indolence, and lack of commitment to the cause. However, even our Lord encouraged His disciples to get away to a quiet place to rest when the ministry opportunities were greater than their energy to meet them.

Self-care is a discipline, an exercise of the mind, soul, and body. We ignore this discipline to our own detriment and pay a very high, painful price.

Here are four essentials in the discipline of self-care. 

1. Self-Care for the spiritual caregiver begins with prioritizing an intimate, consistent, relationship with God. “He walks with me and talks with me and tells me I am His own.” These are more than words in an old hymn. It sounds fundamental for spiritual caregivers. However, statistics show that it is the minority of Pastors who actually practice the Presence of God. Our connection with our Source must go beyond academic agreement with theology. Intimacy with Christ is essential to longevity in pastoral care ministry. Intimacy with Christ is not only a public profession, it is an inner possession. Knowing the living Lord, and walking with Him in a consistent way, provides the fuel for long term viable public ministry.

2. Self Care involves exercising both the spiritual and physical areas of your life. This involves ‘pacing’ and ‘balance.’ 

Spiritual Health (Study/Meditation) – “Study to show yourself approved unto God” must be balanced with “Those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength.” Never apologize for the time you feel you need to spend with the Father, learning; not from a book, but at His feet.

“We must know before we can love. In order to know God, we must often think of Him; and when we come to love Him, we shall then also think of Him often, for our heart will be with our treasure.” 

Brother Lawrence, The Practice of the Presence of God

Physical Health (Exercise/Rest/Diet) – These ‘big three’ must be practiced in balance to ensure ongoing vitality. The value of each of these, paced and balanced properly, is scientifically incontrovertible.

Work Pace (A Healthy Cadence) – During this pandemic, I personally have discovered that I need to work in short bursts with plenty of mini-breaks. At first, it felt that I was shirking my duty. I have now reconciled my conscience and my need. Typically, I find my ability to ‘bear down’ and concentrate limited to about thirty minutes to one hour. Knowing that I have given myself permission to take frequent (10-15 minute) breaks. I walk, I pray, I think, I work on an unrelated project. When I do this, I find my mind can come back on task in a renewed and refreshed way.

My cadence may not work for you, but you need to develop one that does. Then you need to practice it without feeling any associated guilt. In this challenging time, our resources are depleted quickly. It is important that we restore them frequently.

3. Self-Care involves understanding the ‘efficacy of the Cross’. Spiritual caregivers are highly sensitive and empathic to the needs of others. There is always more need than time or ability to address it. The volume has increased during the COVID-19 pandemic.

I have discovered that my emotional fatigue as a caregiver is proportionate to my ability to properly understand my role. I am not the ‘burden bearer,’ Jesus is. When I begin to carry the burdens of people beyond the cross, I take on a role that is not mine. It is my duty to bring people to Jesus, not to own their burdens as my own. In short order, the accumulated burdens of others, on my shoulders, will crush me. 

The greatest gift I can give the people to whom I minister is to bring them to the cross and help them release the weight of their burdens to Jesus. Only He can give them the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. If I find that the burden I am carrying is more than I can bear, I am carrying the wrong load. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. 

4.   Self-Care involves confession. James, in his short letter, instructs us to confess our faults (failings, weaknesses) to others. He indicates that this is an important ingredient for our own healing and health. The Western worldview embraces the cultural mantra, “I did it my way.” This has set up a roadblock for many caregivers preventing them from receiving the help they personally need. However, the admission of one’s weakness to other trusted people is an important and essential step in restoring strength to oneself.  There is no sin in weakness and weariness, but there is sin in an attitude of pride that keeps us from seeking help.

We should see the counsel of others as preventative before we see it as remedial. That is the genius of the Body of Christ.

The higher the demand from the congregation and community for pastoral care, the more focus should be given to the question: How am I doing? It is self-defeating and potentially devastating to answer that question in a dishonest way.

During this pandemic, faithful, caregivers are more needed than ever. But, if we fail at self-care, we certainly will not be effective in our care of others.

“Dear friends, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.”                                                                                                 

3 John 1:2 (NIV)

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